"Deep water faith in the shallow end."

When your heart breaks...really breaks, you can never forget. It is actually still in pieces. When we left to bring our daughter home from a third world country I had no idea what I would experience. Even before we got there I knew that God wanted me to do more.
It would seem then that it would be a no brainier that when given the opportunity to go back to Ethiopia that I would jump at the chance! But I haven't. I hate the word "but" it is full of meaning that I hate. For me in this case it means distrust in the God of the universe that isn't short on protection, cash or anything else needed for His will to happen. But(Ahh, I'm using that word again!) I am afraid to dive in, to get out of the boat. At least I think that is why I can't commit to the trip. I'm afraid of how God will change me through it. It is hard when you are a selfish person like I am to let go of that behavior.
I was in the car with our three children last week(before they knew I was considering going back to ET)and I asked them"If we could do anything to help the people in ET what would it be?" Wow, I wasn't ready for their answers. Yabby told them about people living on the streets and as she told them"even babies sleep on the streets." The other two were flabbergasted! The talked about ways they could help,and they dreamed big. Then Isabelle said to me,"Mommy, You should get a team of people and go there and find out what they need and then come back and help them."
I remember thinking, Did she really say that?!
The trip I was asked to go on is exactly that! It is a vision trip through Children's Hope Chest.
"Deep water faith in the shallow end." That is from a song that the Holy Spirit is
using to change me. I need to get out of the boat, dive in without water wings! It is easy to have faith standing on the edge of a blow up baby pool.God is asking me to take off the water wings and dive in, dive in deep. Deep into the unknown and much bigger than a baby pool.
Is God asking you to dive deep? I know I am not alone out here! What is your baby pool. Where is that comfortable place that you feel restless in?